I Wish It Was Easier To Smile During Moments Like These

I just want to cry right now. But that doesn't matter right now. I'm trying to ignore it. It's winter now, but there's only been a little snow. Like hardly any snow, but there is still snow. It was a very pretty sight to wake up to in the morning. I just sneezed and I'm watching Superbad. I'm not a huge fan of this movie, but I'm watching it anyways. I want Starbucks so bad right now. I'm craving it like crazy. I think I'm fat. So I'm going on a diet and I'm going to start working out more even though it's basketball session. I feel really lost right now and sort of empty inside but that also doesn't matter right now. I don't want this to be an emo blog post!! It probably already is haha. I got a BUNCH of clothes today for only like $121, which is like awesome!!!! Gosh I got a lot of clothes today. That made me happy :) I miss always having money and being able to just go shopping whenever I wanted. I'm so scared of growing up, but at the same time I can't wait to get the fuck out of my house and start living on my own. I just want to be able to take care of myself and do things for myself. I'm almost there though! I keep getting closer and closer to that! Well.... yaaaaa. I'm done venting and shit I guess. 

You Were Meant For Me. Oh I Can't Speak. I Think I'm Falling In LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It Could Be A Wonderful Thing. Love, Love, It Could Make You Crazy. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It Could Be An Incredible Thing. Love, Love, If You Have It, It's Amazing.

I'm happy! ! ! ! Yes, I am actually really, truly happy for once in my life. Oh I'm so crazy about you babe! I haven't felt this amazing in so long and I think I know why I'm feeling this great. I'm scared to say it though hehe. I don't want to get in trouble. Eh whatever I'm in love!!!!! I'm in love and I'm happy!!!! I've never felt this way before. I thought I was in love once before, but I wasn't. I can tell I am now though. Everything is perfect, you are perfect for me. Ugh there are no words to describe how I feel! I'm just so happy :)

I've fallen out of favour, And I've fallen from grace, Fallen out of trees, And I've fallen on my face, Fallen out of taxis, Out of windows too, Fell in your opinion, When I fell in love with you.

Probably one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard in my life.

You say you're still the guy I know but to me it doesn't seem like it. Maybe it's because I never see you and barely talk to you, but I feel like I don't know you anymore. I wish that would change. I wanted to hang out with you too. I tried making plans with you for two weeks straight and I'm pretty sure you never texted me back. So after those two weeks I gave up trying to make plans. Now I have basketball and my parents never let me do anything so it's hard for my to hang out. I miss talking to you too, but I don't know what to talk to you about. I've changed a lot and I'm trying to work on being as positive as I can all the time, and you are still going through your negative phase. I mean you're not always like that but it's hard because I'm not good around negativity. I wish you would talk to me about whatever your problem is. Remember when we were able to tell each other everything? Ya I barely remember it too. jk. My life wouldn't be any better without you. Stop thinking that. I miss you. I miss my best friend. When I told you I wanted you to be in my life my whole life, I meant it! I'm not going to lie, I do get annoyed sometimes. I get annoyed because you're really stupid sometimes. You're still going to be my best friend regardless though. Besides that I love you and I miss you. You can talk to me about these things. I wish you would. But I guess things have changed. 

So let's not get carried (away with everything). Away with the process (from here to in-between). of elimination (the long goodbye). I don't want to waste your time. Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright.

Happy Halloween Everyone :)

You Leave A Bad Taste In My Mouth So Spit It Out, So Spit It Out

Well, I feel like its been a while since my last blog but I'm not 100%. Anyways I'm still dating my boyfriend, which is a good sign because that obviously means it's going really good. So that part of my life is going really well. I can't have everything in my life going well at once though. So, of course I just in super huge trouble today because of my grades. Well lets just say I am doing a lot better then I thought I was doing in most of my classes. Then there was one class I'm taking that's like super hard, AP Stats, and I have a F. Lol. I fail. So I'm probably going to drop out of that class, which I'm totally okay with. It was way to hard for me anyways. I'm a re re. Another poopy thing, basketball starts in two days. We have tryouts on Halloween. How lame is that? I'm definitely not looking forward to basketball at all, what so ever. And last, but not least, I hardly ever talk to my best friend anymore and we NEVER hang out anymore. It like honestly seems like he could care less too. I've really been trying to keep in touch with him, and I've been trying to plan a day to hang. It never works out with him though and it's getting really annoying. Like I understand there's a girl that you like right now, but you can't forget about the other people that care about you. I have a boyfriend now but I'm still busting my fucking balls to hang with you. It's pissing me off. I helped you through so much and I tried so damn hard to make you a better person (even though none of it worked) and now I feel like I barely know you. I don't know why I'm even complaining about it on here, it's not like you're going to read it anyways. You never write blogs anymore. You never try hanging with me anymore. You never text me unless I text you first. Like seriously, what the fuck? I don't know, it's annoying.

Does this make me hipster?

You Are Oxygen

Yay! We have no hot water! I fucking love my life! Just kidding my life has been pretty damn amazing lately. This is just a really bad morning but hopefully it will get better. Okay, so yeah, there's no hot water. That means I can't take a shower because I am sure not taking an ice cold shower this morning. And that also means I now have a bunch of time in the morning that I could be doing homework or getting more sleep with but i decided to write a blog instead. Seems like a good choice to me. Oh and by the way, since i can't shower, I'm washing myself with rags.... Doesn't get much hotter than that. The things I have to deal with sometimes people can only imagine dealing with lol. I could easily say the same about myself only imagining what it's like to deal with something. I've always wished i could experience all the hardship people went through. I feel like it would  make me such a strong person, but it would probably really fuck with my head too. On the other hard though! Everything has been going quite great for me lately. I've been getting so much closer to my boyfriend and I'm starting to really fall for him. That scares me though because I've never fallen for someone as fast as I fell for him. We've only been dating for almost two months and he already means the world to me, and I'd do anything for him. I don't know why I fell for him so fast, but I'm hoping it's because of something good; like he's just perfect for me, or we're like really meant to be together. He makes me so happy, it's not even funny. He's the first person in a long time that has been able to truly make me happy. I really don't know how he does it. Anyways, I'm going to wash myself with a rag....

You make me happy, whether you know it or not. We should be happy, that's what I said from the start. I am so happy, knowing you are the one that I'll love for the rest of my days.

Babe you truly are amazing. You might not have the best of manners, you might not be able to pay for me (or yourself lol), you might think about yourself to much sometimes, and you might not realize that some of the things you do hurt me. You're not perfect, you're really far from it. But you're amazing. I saw a side of you today that I haven't seen before. You got angry and you started throwing things. I didn't like it one bit and I knew if I wasn't there you would have done worse. So I held you and you told me I was making it worse and that you didn't want me to hold you. That hurt so much. I couldn't keep the tears back no matter how hard I tried. I understand things are very hard for you and you do have problems with your anger. I made a mistake today by trying to get you to stop by holding you. I should have given you space, I learned my lesson. I know you learned your lesson as well. It scared me seeing you get angry like that, and you saw that when you saw me crying. The things you said hurt me so much and I know you felt bad for saying what you said. I know you didn't mean it either, people say things they don't mean when they're angry. Even though you didn't say it, I know you wanted to take back what you said. You felt terrible, I saw it. And when you saw me crying all you did was hold me and tell me that all you want to do is hold me and you were sorry. I tried so hard to act like I was okay but I can't hide it around you. You knew I was hurt. And you made it better. I don't know how you did it, but you did. You're definitely something special. You're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. You treat me like a princesses. You hold me and kiss me. You would do anything to make me smile. You're quite good at making me smile too. I've gotten so much closer to you than anyone ever before in such a short time. You open up to me so easily and you are so good at making me feel safe enough to open up to you. My feelings for you grew quite large in such a short time. Even though its only been a little over a month, I would truly be lost and upset if we broke up. I fell for you so much faster then anyone before. I don't know what it is about you. Like I said before, you're special. You're beyond amazing too. I'm crazy for you babe. ♥ 

And I feel like wasting my days, And I can't see what's coming on, And I can't say it will all be fine. And I can't help thinking we grew up too fast, No I can't help thinking we grew up too fast. And I know, I know, I know this won't last, a second longer than it has.

I never feel good enough for you. I feel like you should have someone so much better than me. I really don't know why you like me at all. I'm no fun. You always seem to have more fun hanging out with your other friends, and tell me how you have the best nights of you life with them. When you tell me that it makes me want to cry because I can't give you the best night of your life. I don't understand why you want anything to do with me. I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm boring, uninteresting, out of shape, a mess, I have no friends, I don't make you happy, I'm not good for anything. I feel so useless to you sometimes. I'm usually just pretty useless to everyone. I don't know what to do. I cry at night, I don't feel like I mean anything to you. I don't know how much longer this will last. I'm so confused and I always feel hurt. I like you so much and you make me so happy. But I'm not good enough for you </3

I don't know just where I'm going. But I'm going to try for the kingdom, if I can. 'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man. When I put a spike into my vein. And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same. When I'm rushing on my run. And I feel just like Jesus' son. And I guess that I just don't know. And I guess that I just don't know.

You might think I hate you or want nothing to do with you anymore. That's not true though. You were just bringing me down. I couldn't take you telling me who I should and shouldn't talk to. I have a hard time finding your way of "messing around" funny. Your jokes would always hurt me, even though they were just jokes. I take things that people say about me to heart, even if they're jokes. I'm a sensitive person and I don't like that I'm sensitive. I couldn't take how you would say such mean things about someone I really care about, that makes me so happy. I understand you tired so hard to make me happy. That's the thing though. The harder you try the less happy I end up being. I've had this problem for a long time. I wish you would have saw this but I'm pretty simple. If I am unhappy for a day or a period of time, don't go all out to make me happy. Just let me be, and I'll be happy eventually. So the less you try to obviously make me really happy, the happier I'll be. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's pretty easy to get. I really do appreciate you trying so hard to make me happy though. I just wish you would have saw that you didn't need to do that. I still care about you, I really do. I just don't like the person your becoming. All you care about is what will make girls like you. You are changing yourself for girls to like you. Why? You are never going to find someone truly special, that you are meant to be with. You know why you wont, because you're not yourself. You change yourself to get other people to like you. Why don't you understand why this is bad. You're putting yourself in the same position you were in at the beginning of the school year last year. You're never going to find true friends being someone your not. I've told you this so many times. It's your life though, so you can do what you want. Become who you want to be.

What will you do? When there's nothing left for you to cling to. What will you do? When your life has rot. Thrive in your emptiness. Burn all you love. There's no hope for the weak. Your heroes have died.

I hope you now see why I never wanted to believe anything you ever said. You're just like everyone else, saying things you don't follow through with. Stop acting like you're some nice guy that everyone shits on. You've never been a nice guy, you just let people walk all over you. Because you're stupid, and I tried helping you. I mean nothing to you anymore and I've gotten to a point where I'm okay with that. You have no one else but yourself to blame for losing me.

When worded correctly, truth is never a cliché; This is because so many are attached to their deaf ears. All mistakes can be marked by borders, All of love can be traced to a maker. It seems as if what is most important, Isn't noticed when forgotten. Do as you please, shame will follow.

Go ahead. Ignore me and be an ass to me. You're just losing the one person who cares about you most. It's not like you would care though. You're to "hard" now to give a shit. You can't be nice because all the girls wont like you. That would really fucking suck wouldn't it. There's more to life than girls, ass.  But you do what you want. I'm done with it.

And when I touch your hand

It's then I understand

The beauty that's within

It's now that we begin 

You always light my way

There never comes a day

No matter where I go

I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know

That makes me believe

I'm not alone

I don't know much about computers, but I know that you look like a child abuser

Well today was pretty good I guess. My heads been killing me all day though. My cough is getting worse too, but I'll be fine. Nothing I can't handle. Just trying to keep myself from getting stress about a bunch of stupid shit. I've got that someone to keep my mind off of all the stupid stuff, thank god. Man today felt like a really long day. Tomorrow will be a good day too, I'm hoping. I might go watch my baby at his race, but I don't know if I'll be able to find where it is. So, I'll probably just end up not going. Then, me and him are supposed to go to Chicago. I'm always super duper excited to go to Chicago. I think it's time for me to get some sleep now. Nighty Night!!

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me.

I have now applied to one college! Yay!lol Only like a bunch more to apply to -_-

Don't You Know That I Belong Arm And Arm With You Baby

I really don't have much to talk about. There isn't much on my mind and not much going on in my life right now. I am the luckiest girl ever and I have the most amazing boyfriend ever! Seriously someone has never made me as happy as he does, and I don't think he even tries. I know he loves making me smile, because he will make a complete fool of himself to get me to smile. There are so many amazing things about him, I don't know how I get so lucky sometimes. :)

I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie, And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode, I'm about to explode. I'm a mess, I'm a wreck. I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings, Because I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

All the cool kids take pics with lamps now a days.

I am wrecked. I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with the common cold.
But I just hate to say goodbye
To all the metaphors and lies
That have taken me years to come up with.

Say it's true. Say you like me.
(I like you.)
Just for the night
For me it's been eternity..
And as I gently sip this drink,
I think about my lack of future,
And all the places I could learn to fall in love.

I know I shouldn't waste my time,
Wishing I'd been better designed,
Yet for some reason still think.

I am wrecked. I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with the fucking common cold!

When I just want to feel alive
For the first time in my life,
I just want to feel attractive today.



Plug It In, And Turn Me On

Ew I just threw up in my mouth. Hot. I am so ready to give up on school and anything school related. I don't want to go to college anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore. It just makes me think of what I'm going to want to do when I'm older and I have no idea. I'm really not good at anything. I'm not just saying that either, I'm really not. I feel so useless sometimes, I'm always just there. Ha my life is such a joke. Whatever.

Forget About The Silence

Why do I feel like poo, even though everything in my life is going good? What am I doing wrong?

I'm A Mess, But At Least I Look Good.

Okay, so it's time about time I start getting down to business. I feel like I'm really letting myself get behind. Well I don't feel like I am, I just am. It's really bad. So I'm going to really try and change this and get my shit together. I know I say this a lot, but I really want to change. I want this so bad it's not even funny. So I'm dedicating most of my day tomorrow to cleaning my room, doing college applications, and if I have time working out. Oh and I guess I'll try to fit some homework in too, if I have any. I need to start getting better sleep as well. If I were to do these things, I'd be making things so much easier for me. I really need to motivate myself right now. I can do it, I just have to really want it, and I do. :)

Ya... I'm pretty awesome :P

Smoke 'Em If Ya Got 'Em

I'm done. I quite. I don't know why I tried for so long to get my points across. You never got it before, why would you get anything I try telling you now. I tried for so long to help you, you never got it and you never cared. You didn't even see how hard I tried. Then I would say something to you about it, and you would say that you would try. You never tried. So I'm done. I'll be here for you when you need me and I'll help you only when you really need it. Even though helping you then wont matter either. I've spent way to many hours trying to think of ways to help you and make you happier. You're on your own with that now. You never ask me to hang out anymore. I'm always sitting around my house doing nothing, hoping that maybe you'll text me asking me to hang out. But you don't do that anymore. I try texting you and you just stop texting me out of no where. I understand you're busy sometimes. It's not hard to tell me that. I'm just going to stop texting you. I'm only going to text you when you text me. Watch how good you are at losing the ones that care about you most. I've lost people that meant the world to me before, you wouldn't be the first.  I'm a big girl now, I can deal with losing people. It's part of life, I accept it. Don't think I want this, because I don't. I just see it coming.

Everybodies Starry Eyed

Well life for me has been pretty good lately. I mean its had it's ups and downs, but I've been able to get over the downs pretty fast. I've just been letting myself enjoy life I guess :) I have an amazing boyfriend now. He makes me soo happy, without even trying. I got to hang out with my best friend today, and a bunch of other cool kids. Oh, and I went out to breakfast with my boyfriend. I also started filling out three college applications today. I need to get my ass in gear with my college shit. I don't want to be waiting till last minute with this stuff. It's veryyy important. I'm just really scared I'm not going to get accepted anywhere. I'm not going to let any of this stuff get to me though. I just got a new fixie and I LOVE it! It's like my baby and it means the world to me! Oh I've been in school for a few weeks already also. It hasn't been to bad, I have senioritise up the ass though. I just need to motivate myself a little bit more. I need to start working out more too. I've been slacking big time. Ya, I've been letting myself enjoy life, but i need to prioritize a little bit better. I'll start figuring stuff out a little bit better eventually, I hope! I'm not going to lie, I've been feeling the best I've ever felt in a really long time. I feel so fucking alive! It's way to amazing haha. The one thing that has kind of been bothering me lately though, is that I barely see my best buddy anymore. It really does suck. Everything will be figured out soon enough. I want to go to a party! I think I'm going to have to wait a couple weeks for that, but whatever, that's okay. Gosh life's good :)

You're Probably Right

I've never wanted to disappear as bad as I want to right now. I'm not sure why, but I just don't want to be here anymore. I don't have anywhere to go though. I guess I'm not going to disappear any time soon. Oh well.

hm.

I just want to cry right now. I think I have my reasons why but I'm not sure. ugh :/ im so lonely and pathetic

Your Face Is Not An Organ

Hi
Well I'm not really sure what to talk about, so I'll just talk about whatever comes to mind while I'm writing. I ran 6 miles today. I'm very proud of myself for that and I've been thinking about maybe joining cross country. I don't think I'm going to though. If I were to do cross country, I'm sure I'd have fun with it. I love running! I've also really been enjoying reading lately. I'm not sure why, but I feel better when I read. Actually, it's probably because it keeps my mind off everything and puts me in a different world. That's probably the exact reason why. I'm okay with that. Oh, I've also learned how to roller blade a little bit. I have gotten so much better at it, but I still struggle. Oh well. Ugh this whole blog has just been randomness. I don't know what to say anymore. Byeeeee.

I'm Big in Egypt...

I pierced my nose today!!!!! I love it sooooo much!!! My best friend is going to teach me how to roller skate!! I'm so excited! OMG I love life! haha :) I'm so done with being negative about things. I just want to be happy and it's not hard being happy. I don't want to be a bitch anymore, I just want to be sweet and really fucking happy!! I know I can do this and I'm going to do this! YAY :D

Classy!

can't hug every cat

I've been in Florida for a week. Longest week ever. We are leaving tomorrow morning though, thank god. I'm not sure I'm that excited about going back either. I don't want to deal with things at home. I can't avoid them though, so I just have to deal with it. What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Right? I just hope everything doesn't get so bad where it does kill me. Since it is the end of my trip I have reflected upon it and have decided that it wasn't as bad as I was making it seem. I actually want to stay and not go home. There's to much stress at home. I mean there's been stress here, but it's been family related which I'm used to and can deal with. I was able to finish reading The Glass Castle. I really loved the book and I really didn't want it to end. All things eventually come to an end though, which I think is kind of sad. It's a good thing too, I guess. I wouldn't mind living here in Florida for awhile, a fresh start. I'm used to having to make new friends, so I can deal with that. I know that will never happen though. I'm okay with that. Starting over would be really nice though.
So I've been really wanting a boyfriend lately. I'm not a hundred percent why yet. It could be because I feel lonely sometimes, I just love having a person like that there for me, I love hanging out with someone that makes me so happy and knows me well, I love kissing haha, I love knowing that the other person is happy to be with me. I don't know, it's most likely all of those. Sadly enough though, I have some things getting in my way of finding someone I really like. Most guys just want to get with me and then there's something else but I can't really say. Just something sort of getting in way, which I'm hoping will go away soon. Even though these things can really get to me sometimes, I try really hard to stay strong and positive through all of it. I'll find someone sooner or later!
It all ends tonight.

Things I dislike:
Liars, fakers, scums, bees, well any bug actually, drama, my ex, negative people, complainers, people that do stupid things because they think it will make them cool, history, english (the class), spanish (class & language), homework considering I hardly do it, horney guys that just want to get with me (so like almost all guys), Brookfield & Riverside, basketball, losing people I care about, my dad, not being able to learn how to live on my own, stupid girls, people that control themselves with alchol, boring books, just stupid people in general (this includes wayyy to many people), seeing people get hurt, being used, my lack of money, the fact that I can't get a job because my dad won't let me, my lack of motivation sometimes, when I'm negative about anything, weed, smelling like cigerettes even though I don't smoke, that you can't find cute and nice boys anymore, I'm messy sometimes, I'm an emotional mess, when I really want to watch a certain movie but I can't, the fact that my best friend really really likes me, how guys just want to get with me (oh wait, I've already said that....), how there's only junk food in my house, not working out for a long period of time, realizing I have no chance with someone I like (happens more than you an even imagine), wanting to get to know someone better but you can't, being cold, when I'm in bitchy moods, how I can be very awkward sometimes, I fall for guys easily (this is a very bad problem of mine, but I think it's getting better), when I have to act like I don't care about something but I really do, when I have to hide my true feelings about something, when someone asks me what I'm thinking. There's plenty more I'm sure, but I can't stay on the computer any longer. Haha this is a very long list. Oh well. I just felt like doing a dislike list since I did a like list in my first blog.
Night!

Do you like hobbies?

I hit rock bottom today. I don't know where to go from here. I don't really know how I got here. Ugh.

Last Chance Undies

I really don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm trying to work on becoming a better person, but I don't really know if what I'm doing is better. I'm trying my hardest to do this and it's definitely not easy. I'm not going to lie, I feel lost a majority of the time. I just hope that what I'm doing is right. Maybe all the hard work and good things I'm doing now will pay of in the end. I could use some happiness and excitement in my life. Well, I have happiness and excitement now. I'm just hoping I have it in a different, more consistent way. I've just got to keep hoping for the best! This summer, I've grown up so much! I honestly love it! I would love to be able to do more for myself and prepare myself for life. Sadly that is pretty much imposable for me because of my dad. He wants to control me his whole life!! Just kidding, I don't know that, but it sure seems like it. I just have to do what I can with this situation. I just have to do what I can with life. I need to find myself a cute boy. That's loving, caring, honest, open, cuddly, funny, exciting, accepting, and confident. You've got to be out there somewhere!! So I have really been wanting to get a job lately, but I don't know what would be a good thing for me to do. Well, I would be better off just taking whatever job I could get. I love being a loving person :) It makes me happy that I'm becoming such a good person. I'm just scared of being taken advantage of, but there will always be people looking to hurt other people in life. I just have to accept that. Oh well.

Whack it Off

So yesterday was the start of my no more being unhappy with myself life style. I'm going to try my hardest to accept me for the way I am now, and just love myself more the better I get. I'm going to work out as often as I can and I really need to work on eating healthier. I know I can do it, I just need to stay motivated.
I've also gotten to the point where I don't deal with people's bull shit anymore. Yes I miss him, but I don't deserve to be treated the way he's treating me. I don't really understand why he's treating me this way, but there's nothing I can do to change it. So I just deal with it. People are stupid. I probably care about him more than anyone else he knows, and he just keeps pushing me away. Oh well. I really need to move on with my life. I wish I could find someone I like that likes me back. I just want to find someone sooo bad! But I will be patient. I'm a good person (at least I think I am) and I will find someone soon enough. I want to get my ass in shape and go to the beach.

sucka free

Today sucked. I ran into my ex the refuses to talk to me for reasons i don't know. I saw him in a store at the mall. I didn't want to seem like a baby, so i stayed in there and just kept my distance from him. The next thing i know, he's standing outside of the store waiting for the person he was there with. Then, i turn around and he's right behind me. It was awkward as fuck. We sort of just looked at each other for five seconds, i smiled a little bit, and then he walked away. It was a very uncomfortable situation and pretty much ruined my somewhat okay day. I felt like i was going to throw up after that so i wanted to get home and i ended up getting pulled over for speeding. I was lucky i didn't get a ticket though. It really sucks that all of this happened today because i really had no one to talk to after it happened. My one friend was sleeping and didn't wake up to my texts. My other friend was in the Dells all day today and didn't have his phone on him. Now he had to turn his phone off because its dying. I want to shoot myself in the fucking face. My life sucks.

Happy birthday to me.... fuck

Well, yay it my birthday... Sadly enough i wish it wasnt. I dont know, i hate my birthday. I just dont like celebrating it. And with the mood ive been in this whole summer, im really not excited for it. Like im sure ill do some fun things, but im just not excited. I haven't been excited for anything lately. I wish i knew how to change that, but i dont. I want to live in Chicago. I want that more than anything. That is probably one of my biggest goals right now, and I know i will be so happy when i reach it! I really hope i can!!
So today i decided i need to be more out there when it comes to meeting people. I love meeting new people and i feel if i were to be more out there, it would be easier for me to meet new people. I want to meet new people!
Okay so my birthday was half good, half bad. But in the end i feel like shit. YAY! I need to drink. Badly....

Raptor Jesus does NOT have a father.

hi. im really tired. i had a good day. it was chill. there were fireworks. food. hookah. little bit of beer. & friends. nice.

i miss you. (you'll never see this tho)

bye.

Logophilia.....

There's so much i could write about, but my mind always feels blank when i try to write. Throughout the whole day my mind is always going in a billion different directions. When i try to write, my mind draws a blank. This is something that really bothers me. I honestly can't think right now and i feel so empty. Two of my really good friends are drunk right now so i don't really have anyone to talk too. I can deal with that though. I don't know. I'm so lost and confused about everything. That's normal for teenagers though, right? I miss my friend so much. I messed things up so bad with him. Well he's my ex and he used to be my best friend, but now we don't talk. i absolutely hate it. I'm miserable because of it. I could tell you a lot more about the situation, but talking about it will just make me feel worse. Maybe i will another time. I'm to caring of a person sometimes. Oh well. My mind feels so fucked right now haha.

                  I want sooooo badly!!! :)

Accept me into your succulent hearts... or I shall tear them out, In peace.

Raptor Jesus roamed the Earth circa 90,000,000,000-65,000,000,000 BHC (Before Human Christ). He was born when God Himself was still only a teenager. His execution is thought to be the cause of the extinction of the dinosaurs, as God was mad at the Romans for aiding in His son's death twice. He earned a bachelor's degree in microelectronic engineering at RIT. Raptor Jesus went on to earn his PhD in aerospace engineering at Georgia Tech. Later, Raptor Jesus got bored, so he went on to receive his CPA certification in the state of New Jersey. His academic career was constantly challenged by his ladysmanship.He is now working in hooters and will soon be the manager in a later period.

Olly Olly Oxen Free!!

hi there. my name is Danielle. i like music, clothes, cars, friends, laughing, reading self-help books, cute boys, beaches, learning stuff, sun, nature, shopping, running, cheese, Chicago, helping people, flowers, dancing, sneezing, being funny, movie that i wish were real, brushing my teeth, my hair, being healthy, swimming, sledding, being honest, dogs, doodling, money, following through with plans, ice cream, being happy (sadly enough this isn't often), summer, pictures, looking at art, watching shows about people with addictions, working out, cats, funny movies, flirting, tanning in my back yard, dubstep, my phone, funny people, cute movies about love that usually make me cry, driving around, plums, cuddling with someone i like, beer, kissing, taking showers, pudding, nail polish, organic bananas, believing that i'll find someone that will truly love me, facebook, my best friend, hugging people i miss, people that are ticklish, being warm, fire, Mexican food, good memories, texting, bunnies, becoming a better person, math, Christmas lights, becoming friends with people i never expected to talk to, the lack of mosquito's in the winter, going to new places, making someone feel better about themselves, inspirational things, my best friends cat, hot guys, just food in general, bike rides, meeting new people, the smell of old books, raspberry iced tea, being young, playing basketball when its fun, taking walks, and most of all just being myself. im not exactly sure what type of person i am, i don't really know that much about myself, but im trying to figure these things out. i just want to live my life as happy as i can be.