I Wish It Was Easier To Smile During Moments Like These

I just want to cry right now. But that doesn't matter right now. I'm trying to ignore it. It's winter now, but there's only been a little snow. Like hardly any snow, but there is still snow. It was a very pretty sight to wake up to in the morning. I just sneezed and I'm watching Superbad. I'm not a huge fan of this movie, but I'm watching it anyways. I want Starbucks so bad right now. I'm craving it like crazy. I think I'm fat. So I'm going on a diet and I'm going to start working out more even though it's basketball session. I feel really lost right now and sort of empty inside but that also doesn't matter right now. I don't want this to be an emo blog post!! It probably already is haha. I got a BUNCH of clothes today for only like $121, which is like awesome!!!! Gosh I got a lot of clothes today. That made me happy :) I miss always having money and being able to just go shopping whenever I wanted. I'm so scared of growing up, but at the same time I can't wait to get the fuck out of my house and start living on my own. I just want to be able to take care of myself and do things for myself. I'm almost there though! I keep getting closer and closer to that! Well.... yaaaaa. I'm done venting and shit I guess. 

You Were Meant For Me. Oh I Can't Speak. I Think I'm Falling In LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It Could Be A Wonderful Thing. Love, Love, It Could Make You Crazy. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. It Could Be An Incredible Thing. Love, Love, If You Have It, It's Amazing.

I'm happy! ! ! ! Yes, I am actually really, truly happy for once in my life. Oh I'm so crazy about you babe! I haven't felt this amazing in so long and I think I know why I'm feeling this great. I'm scared to say it though hehe. I don't want to get in trouble. Eh whatever I'm in love!!!!! I'm in love and I'm happy!!!! I've never felt this way before. I thought I was in love once before, but I wasn't. I can tell I am now though. Everything is perfect, you are perfect for me. Ugh there are no words to describe how I feel! I'm just so happy :)

I've fallen out of favour, And I've fallen from grace, Fallen out of trees, And I've fallen on my face, Fallen out of taxis, Out of windows too, Fell in your opinion, When I fell in love with you.

Probably one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard in my life.

You say you're still the guy I know but to me it doesn't seem like it. Maybe it's because I never see you and barely talk to you, but I feel like I don't know you anymore. I wish that would change. I wanted to hang out with you too. I tried making plans with you for two weeks straight and I'm pretty sure you never texted me back. So after those two weeks I gave up trying to make plans. Now I have basketball and my parents never let me do anything so it's hard for my to hang out. I miss talking to you too, but I don't know what to talk to you about. I've changed a lot and I'm trying to work on being as positive as I can all the time, and you are still going through your negative phase. I mean you're not always like that but it's hard because I'm not good around negativity. I wish you would talk to me about whatever your problem is. Remember when we were able to tell each other everything? Ya I barely remember it too. jk. My life wouldn't be any better without you. Stop thinking that. I miss you. I miss my best friend. When I told you I wanted you to be in my life my whole life, I meant it! I'm not going to lie, I do get annoyed sometimes. I get annoyed because you're really stupid sometimes. You're still going to be my best friend regardless though. Besides that I love you and I miss you. You can talk to me about these things. I wish you would. But I guess things have changed. 

So let's not get carried (away with everything). Away with the process (from here to in-between). of elimination (the long goodbye). I don't want to waste your time. Tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright. Oh please tell me that you're alright, Yeah everything is alright.

Happy Halloween Everyone :)

You Leave A Bad Taste In My Mouth So Spit It Out, So Spit It Out

Well, I feel like its been a while since my last blog but I'm not 100%. Anyways I'm still dating my boyfriend, which is a good sign because that obviously means it's going really good. So that part of my life is going really well. I can't have everything in my life going well at once though. So, of course I just in super huge trouble today because of my grades. Well lets just say I am doing a lot better then I thought I was doing in most of my classes. Then there was one class I'm taking that's like super hard, AP Stats, and I have a F. Lol. I fail. So I'm probably going to drop out of that class, which I'm totally okay with. It was way to hard for me anyways. I'm a re re. Another poopy thing, basketball starts in two days. We have tryouts on Halloween. How lame is that? I'm definitely not looking forward to basketball at all, what so ever. And last, but not least, I hardly ever talk to my best friend anymore and we NEVER hang out anymore. It like honestly seems like he could care less too. I've really been trying to keep in touch with him, and I've been trying to plan a day to hang. It never works out with him though and it's getting really annoying. Like I understand there's a girl that you like right now, but you can't forget about the other people that care about you. I have a boyfriend now but I'm still busting my fucking balls to hang with you. It's pissing me off. I helped you through so much and I tried so damn hard to make you a better person (even though none of it worked) and now I feel like I barely know you. I don't know why I'm even complaining about it on here, it's not like you're going to read it anyways. You never write blogs anymore. You never try hanging with me anymore. You never text me unless I text you first. Like seriously, what the fuck? I don't know, it's annoying.

Does this make me hipster?

You Are Oxygen

Yay! We have no hot water! I fucking love my life! Just kidding my life has been pretty damn amazing lately. This is just a really bad morning but hopefully it will get better. Okay, so yeah, there's no hot water. That means I can't take a shower because I am sure not taking an ice cold shower this morning. And that also means I now have a bunch of time in the morning that I could be doing homework or getting more sleep with but i decided to write a blog instead. Seems like a good choice to me. Oh and by the way, since i can't shower, I'm washing myself with rags.... Doesn't get much hotter than that. The things I have to deal with sometimes people can only imagine dealing with lol. I could easily say the same about myself only imagining what it's like to deal with something. I've always wished i could experience all the hardship people went through. I feel like it would  make me such a strong person, but it would probably really fuck with my head too. On the other hard though! Everything has been going quite great for me lately. I've been getting so much closer to my boyfriend and I'm starting to really fall for him. That scares me though because I've never fallen for someone as fast as I fell for him. We've only been dating for almost two months and he already means the world to me, and I'd do anything for him. I don't know why I fell for him so fast, but I'm hoping it's because of something good; like he's just perfect for me, or we're like really meant to be together. He makes me so happy, it's not even funny. He's the first person in a long time that has been able to truly make me happy. I really don't know how he does it. Anyways, I'm going to wash myself with a rag....

You make me happy, whether you know it or not. We should be happy, that's what I said from the start. I am so happy, knowing you are the one that I'll love for the rest of my days.

Babe you truly are amazing. You might not have the best of manners, you might not be able to pay for me (or yourself lol), you might think about yourself to much sometimes, and you might not realize that some of the things you do hurt me. You're not perfect, you're really far from it. But you're amazing. I saw a side of you today that I haven't seen before. You got angry and you started throwing things. I didn't like it one bit and I knew if I wasn't there you would have done worse. So I held you and you told me I was making it worse and that you didn't want me to hold you. That hurt so much. I couldn't keep the tears back no matter how hard I tried. I understand things are very hard for you and you do have problems with your anger. I made a mistake today by trying to get you to stop by holding you. I should have given you space, I learned my lesson. I know you learned your lesson as well. It scared me seeing you get angry like that, and you saw that when you saw me crying. The things you said hurt me so much and I know you felt bad for saying what you said. I know you didn't mean it either, people say things they don't mean when they're angry. Even though you didn't say it, I know you wanted to take back what you said. You felt terrible, I saw it. And when you saw me crying all you did was hold me and tell me that all you want to do is hold me and you were sorry. I tried so hard to act like I was okay but I can't hide it around you. You knew I was hurt. And you made it better. I don't know how you did it, but you did. You're definitely something special. You're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. You treat me like a princesses. You hold me and kiss me. You would do anything to make me smile. You're quite good at making me smile too. I've gotten so much closer to you than anyone ever before in such a short time. You open up to me so easily and you are so good at making me feel safe enough to open up to you. My feelings for you grew quite large in such a short time. Even though its only been a little over a month, I would truly be lost and upset if we broke up. I fell for you so much faster then anyone before. I don't know what it is about you. Like I said before, you're special. You're beyond amazing too. I'm crazy for you babe. ♥ 

And I feel like wasting my days, And I can't see what's coming on, And I can't say it will all be fine. And I can't help thinking we grew up too fast, No I can't help thinking we grew up too fast. And I know, I know, I know this won't last, a second longer than it has.

I never feel good enough for you. I feel like you should have someone so much better than me. I really don't know why you like me at all. I'm no fun. You always seem to have more fun hanging out with your other friends, and tell me how you have the best nights of you life with them. When you tell me that it makes me want to cry because I can't give you the best night of your life. I don't understand why you want anything to do with me. I'm not a good girlfriend. I'm boring, uninteresting, out of shape, a mess, I have no friends, I don't make you happy, I'm not good for anything. I feel so useless to you sometimes. I'm usually just pretty useless to everyone. I don't know what to do. I cry at night, I don't feel like I mean anything to you. I don't know how much longer this will last. I'm so confused and I always feel hurt. I like you so much and you make me so happy. But I'm not good enough for you </3

I don't know just where I'm going. But I'm going to try for the kingdom, if I can. 'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man. When I put a spike into my vein. And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same. When I'm rushing on my run. And I feel just like Jesus' son. And I guess that I just don't know. And I guess that I just don't know.

You might think I hate you or want nothing to do with you anymore. That's not true though. You were just bringing me down. I couldn't take you telling me who I should and shouldn't talk to. I have a hard time finding your way of "messing around" funny. Your jokes would always hurt me, even though they were just jokes. I take things that people say about me to heart, even if they're jokes. I'm a sensitive person and I don't like that I'm sensitive. I couldn't take how you would say such mean things about someone I really care about, that makes me so happy. I understand you tired so hard to make me happy. That's the thing though. The harder you try the less happy I end up being. I've had this problem for a long time. I wish you would have saw this but I'm pretty simple. If I am unhappy for a day or a period of time, don't go all out to make me happy. Just let me be, and I'll be happy eventually. So the less you try to obviously make me really happy, the happier I'll be. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's pretty easy to get. I really do appreciate you trying so hard to make me happy though. I just wish you would have saw that you didn't need to do that. I still care about you, I really do. I just don't like the person your becoming. All you care about is what will make girls like you. You are changing yourself for girls to like you. Why? You are never going to find someone truly special, that you are meant to be with. You know why you wont, because you're not yourself. You change yourself to get other people to like you. Why don't you understand why this is bad. You're putting yourself in the same position you were in at the beginning of the school year last year. You're never going to find true friends being someone your not. I've told you this so many times. It's your life though, so you can do what you want. Become who you want to be.

What will you do? When there's nothing left for you to cling to. What will you do? When your life has rot. Thrive in your emptiness. Burn all you love. There's no hope for the weak. Your heroes have died.

I hope you now see why I never wanted to believe anything you ever said. You're just like everyone else, saying things you don't follow through with. Stop acting like you're some nice guy that everyone shits on. You've never been a nice guy, you just let people walk all over you. Because you're stupid, and I tried helping you. I mean nothing to you anymore and I've gotten to a point where I'm okay with that. You have no one else but yourself to blame for losing me.

When worded correctly, truth is never a cliché; This is because so many are attached to their deaf ears. All mistakes can be marked by borders, All of love can be traced to a maker. It seems as if what is most important, Isn't noticed when forgotten. Do as you please, shame will follow.

Go ahead. Ignore me and be an ass to me. You're just losing the one person who cares about you most. It's not like you would care though. You're to "hard" now to give a shit. You can't be nice because all the girls wont like you. That would really fucking suck wouldn't it. There's more to life than girls, ass.  But you do what you want. I'm done with it.

And when I touch your hand

It's then I understand

The beauty that's within

It's now that we begin 

You always light my way

There never comes a day

No matter where I go

I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know

That makes me believe

I'm not alone

I don't know much about computers, but I know that you look like a child abuser

Well today was pretty good I guess. My heads been killing me all day though. My cough is getting worse too, but I'll be fine. Nothing I can't handle. Just trying to keep myself from getting stress about a bunch of stupid shit. I've got that someone to keep my mind off of all the stupid stuff, thank god. Man today felt like a really long day. Tomorrow will be a good day too, I'm hoping. I might go watch my baby at his race, but I don't know if I'll be able to find where it is. So, I'll probably just end up not going. Then, me and him are supposed to go to Chicago. I'm always super duper excited to go to Chicago. I think it's time for me to get some sleep now. Nighty Night!!

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me.

I have now applied to one college! Yay!lol Only like a bunch more to apply to -_-

Don't You Know That I Belong Arm And Arm With You Baby

I really don't have much to talk about. There isn't much on my mind and not much going on in my life right now. I am the luckiest girl ever and I have the most amazing boyfriend ever! Seriously someone has never made me as happy as he does, and I don't think he even tries. I know he loves making me smile, because he will make a complete fool of himself to get me to smile. There are so many amazing things about him, I don't know how I get so lucky sometimes. :)

I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together