I don't know just where I'm going. But I'm going to try for the kingdom, if I can. 'Cause it makes me feel like I'm a man. When I put a spike into my vein. And I'll tell ya, things aren't quite the same. When I'm rushing on my run. And I feel just like Jesus' son. And I guess that I just don't know. And I guess that I just don't know.

You might think I hate you or want nothing to do with you anymore. That's not true though. You were just bringing me down. I couldn't take you telling me who I should and shouldn't talk to. I have a hard time finding your way of "messing around" funny. Your jokes would always hurt me, even though they were just jokes. I take things that people say about me to heart, even if they're jokes. I'm a sensitive person and I don't like that I'm sensitive. I couldn't take how you would say such mean things about someone I really care about, that makes me so happy. I understand you tired so hard to make me happy. That's the thing though. The harder you try the less happy I end up being. I've had this problem for a long time. I wish you would have saw this but I'm pretty simple. If I am unhappy for a day or a period of time, don't go all out to make me happy. Just let me be, and I'll be happy eventually. So the less you try to obviously make me really happy, the happier I'll be. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it's pretty easy to get. I really do appreciate you trying so hard to make me happy though. I just wish you would have saw that you didn't need to do that. I still care about you, I really do. I just don't like the person your becoming. All you care about is what will make girls like you. You are changing yourself for girls to like you. Why? You are never going to find someone truly special, that you are meant to be with. You know why you wont, because you're not yourself. You change yourself to get other people to like you. Why don't you understand why this is bad. You're putting yourself in the same position you were in at the beginning of the school year last year. You're never going to find true friends being someone your not. I've told you this so many times. It's your life though, so you can do what you want. Become who you want to be.

What will you do? When there's nothing left for you to cling to. What will you do? When your life has rot. Thrive in your emptiness. Burn all you love. There's no hope for the weak. Your heroes have died.

I hope you now see why I never wanted to believe anything you ever said. You're just like everyone else, saying things you don't follow through with. Stop acting like you're some nice guy that everyone shits on. You've never been a nice guy, you just let people walk all over you. Because you're stupid, and I tried helping you. I mean nothing to you anymore and I've gotten to a point where I'm okay with that. You have no one else but yourself to blame for losing me.

When worded correctly, truth is never a cliché; This is because so many are attached to their deaf ears. All mistakes can be marked by borders, All of love can be traced to a maker. It seems as if what is most important, Isn't noticed when forgotten. Do as you please, shame will follow.

Go ahead. Ignore me and be an ass to me. You're just losing the one person who cares about you most. It's not like you would care though. You're to "hard" now to give a shit. You can't be nice because all the girls wont like you. That would really fucking suck wouldn't it. There's more to life than girls, ass.  But you do what you want. I'm done with it.

And when I touch your hand

It's then I understand

The beauty that's within

It's now that we begin 

You always light my way

There never comes a day

No matter where I go

I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know

That makes me believe

I'm not alone

I don't know much about computers, but I know that you look like a child abuser

Well today was pretty good I guess. My heads been killing me all day though. My cough is getting worse too, but I'll be fine. Nothing I can't handle. Just trying to keep myself from getting stress about a bunch of stupid shit. I've got that someone to keep my mind off of all the stupid stuff, thank god. Man today felt like a really long day. Tomorrow will be a good day too, I'm hoping. I might go watch my baby at his race, but I don't know if I'll be able to find where it is. So, I'll probably just end up not going. Then, me and him are supposed to go to Chicago. I'm always super duper excited to go to Chicago. I think it's time for me to get some sleep now. Nighty Night!!

Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see. It's getting hard to be someone but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me.

I have now applied to one college! Yay!lol Only like a bunch more to apply to -_-

Don't You Know That I Belong Arm And Arm With You Baby

I really don't have much to talk about. There isn't much on my mind and not much going on in my life right now. I am the luckiest girl ever and I have the most amazing boyfriend ever! Seriously someone has never made me as happy as he does, and I don't think he even tries. I know he loves making me smile, because he will make a complete fool of himself to get me to smile. There are so many amazing things about him, I don't know how I get so lucky sometimes. :)

I Am He As You Are He As You Are Me And We Are All Together

I'm riding hard on the last legs of every lie, And the BMX bike of my life is about to explode, I'm about to explode. I'm a mess, I'm a wreck. I am perfect, and I have learned to accept all my problems and short comings, Because I am so visceral, yet deeply inept.

All the cool kids take pics with lamps now a days.

I am wrecked. I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with the common cold.
But I just hate to say goodbye
To all the metaphors and lies
That have taken me years to come up with.

Say it's true. Say you like me.
(I like you.)
Just for the night
For me it's been eternity..
And as I gently sip this drink,
I think about my lack of future,
And all the places I could learn to fall in love.

I know I shouldn't waste my time,
Wishing I'd been better designed,
Yet for some reason still think.

I am wrecked. I am overblown.
I'm also fed up with the fucking common cold!

When I just want to feel alive
For the first time in my life,
I just want to feel attractive today.



Plug It In, And Turn Me On

Ew I just threw up in my mouth. Hot. I am so ready to give up on school and anything school related. I don't want to go to college anymore. I don't want to deal with it anymore. It just makes me think of what I'm going to want to do when I'm older and I have no idea. I'm really not good at anything. I'm not just saying that either, I'm really not. I feel so useless sometimes, I'm always just there. Ha my life is such a joke. Whatever.

Forget About The Silence

Why do I feel like poo, even though everything in my life is going good? What am I doing wrong?

I'm A Mess, But At Least I Look Good.

Okay, so it's time about time I start getting down to business. I feel like I'm really letting myself get behind. Well I don't feel like I am, I just am. It's really bad. So I'm going to really try and change this and get my shit together. I know I say this a lot, but I really want to change. I want this so bad it's not even funny. So I'm dedicating most of my day tomorrow to cleaning my room, doing college applications, and if I have time working out. Oh and I guess I'll try to fit some homework in too, if I have any. I need to start getting better sleep as well. If I were to do these things, I'd be making things so much easier for me. I really need to motivate myself right now. I can do it, I just have to really want it, and I do. :)

Ya... I'm pretty awesome :P

Smoke 'Em If Ya Got 'Em

I'm done. I quite. I don't know why I tried for so long to get my points across. You never got it before, why would you get anything I try telling you now. I tried for so long to help you, you never got it and you never cared. You didn't even see how hard I tried. Then I would say something to you about it, and you would say that you would try. You never tried. So I'm done. I'll be here for you when you need me and I'll help you only when you really need it. Even though helping you then wont matter either. I've spent way to many hours trying to think of ways to help you and make you happier. You're on your own with that now. You never ask me to hang out anymore. I'm always sitting around my house doing nothing, hoping that maybe you'll text me asking me to hang out. But you don't do that anymore. I try texting you and you just stop texting me out of no where. I understand you're busy sometimes. It's not hard to tell me that. I'm just going to stop texting you. I'm only going to text you when you text me. Watch how good you are at losing the ones that care about you most. I've lost people that meant the world to me before, you wouldn't be the first.  I'm a big girl now, I can deal with losing people. It's part of life, I accept it. Don't think I want this, because I don't. I just see it coming.

Everybodies Starry Eyed

Well life for me has been pretty good lately. I mean its had it's ups and downs, but I've been able to get over the downs pretty fast. I've just been letting myself enjoy life I guess :) I have an amazing boyfriend now. He makes me soo happy, without even trying. I got to hang out with my best friend today, and a bunch of other cool kids. Oh, and I went out to breakfast with my boyfriend. I also started filling out three college applications today. I need to get my ass in gear with my college shit. I don't want to be waiting till last minute with this stuff. It's veryyy important. I'm just really scared I'm not going to get accepted anywhere. I'm not going to let any of this stuff get to me though. I just got a new fixie and I LOVE it! It's like my baby and it means the world to me! Oh I've been in school for a few weeks already also. It hasn't been to bad, I have senioritise up the ass though. I just need to motivate myself a little bit more. I need to start working out more too. I've been slacking big time. Ya, I've been letting myself enjoy life, but i need to prioritize a little bit better. I'll start figuring stuff out a little bit better eventually, I hope! I'm not going to lie, I've been feeling the best I've ever felt in a really long time. I feel so fucking alive! It's way to amazing haha. The one thing that has kind of been bothering me lately though, is that I barely see my best buddy anymore. It really does suck. Everything will be figured out soon enough. I want to go to a party! I think I'm going to have to wait a couple weeks for that, but whatever, that's okay. Gosh life's good :)